The Goddamn Facts

I’m such an asshole. I totally forgot to add 11 facts about myself in my last blog post and now I had to waste an awesome post title on a follow-up. Here are 11 facts about me.

1. I once paralyzed my left hand for a month and a half. I’ve regained 99% control and 95% grip strength.

2. The Eagles are my favorite band. I have an idea for a film based on Hotel  California.

3. I am 100% straight but I’ve wanted to write a yaoi series for close to 10 years after seeing an ad offering to pay an obscene amount of money for it. I got to wondering if I could do it and the more I thought about it, the more appealing it became.

4. I’m moderately terrified of heights. Open escalators freak me the fuck out.

5. I don’t believe in astrology but I’m fascinated by it. Somewhat related to that, when I was in elementary school, I wrote a report on the mythological origins of the planet names and those of their moons. I got a poor grade for having “too much information”.

6. My favorite animal is the wolf. Second favorite is the tiger. Third favorite is Animal from the Muppets.

7. I won the school spelling bee in 4th and 5th grade. In 6th grade, I lost to three 5th grade girls because I misspelled quiche. Then a group of teachers publicly interrupted class a week later to bring me quiche with the word spelled on a napkin. I ate it anyway. I give zero quiche fucks.

8. I’ve romantically loved four women. Two I actually dated. One I had a fling with on and off for years. One I convinced to not run away from the man she thought she loved. I think they’ll be married soon.

9. Spider-Man has been my favorite hero since I was four years old. I have always hated spiders.

10. I once referred to my penis as “Bandit” in an economics class. That’s less a fact about me specifically and more a trivia bit.

11. My favorite protagonists after Spider-Man are, in order, John McClane, Indiana Jones, James Bond, and Sherlock Holmes.

Bonus round cuz #10 sucked. My picture is on the wall of some wing restaurant in Seattle for eating seven 7-alarm wings in under seven minutes. I vomited immediately after “winning” and then accidentally wiped my tears away with fingers still coated in molten hell. I got a t-shirt, too. It wasn’t worth it.

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One thought on “The Goddamn Facts

  1. These are some pretty entertaining and insightful facts. I think I like the “I give zero quich !*&^s”. Made me giggle.

    I definitely agree, that t-shirt could not have been worth those wings and the eye trauma!

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