I can already tell that this is going to be a long post and I’m exhausted. I’m exhausted because I was drinking until 8AM and playing poker and sucking face and trying to figure out where the fuck I was because it was my birthday and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let the clock run out and die sleeping.
So this award. “Award”. I charged my phone, which had perished sometime around midnight much to the relief, I’m sure, of a hundred people who I would have drunkenly vomited affection for over numerous forms of social media…I charged my phone and found I had been nominated by another blogger (side-note: I accidentally typed blooger and I’m grossed out now) and have opted to take part in it.
Jace Tan’s Bliggity Blog is the blog responsible for the word-fuckery that is to follow. Go give him a read.
Anyway, what I can parse from his blog post is that the Liebster Award is sort of an honory thing from one blogger to another to sort of cast some light on smaller/newer blogs and give them the attention they deserve. Right off the bat, I’m flattered. Nice move, Jace.
It works like this: Nominate eleven blogs with 200 followers or less by posting about them. Ask them 11 questions somewhere in your post. Answer the 11 questions asked of you by the person who nominated you (that would be me, in this case). Then post 11 facts about yourself as well.
We good? Got that? Good. Check these motherfuckers out (motherfuckers, you have been nominated and I love you. Probably platonically).
1. Deadly Ever After Julie Hutchings is a good friend of mine and a hell of a writer. I did my first crack at writing horror as a flash fiction piece for this blog, titled In a Pinch.
2. Lindsay Cummings Writes Lindsay is a pantser (as in she writes by the seat of her pants). I can’t do it. I need an outline. She just goes with the flow. It’s awesome. She’s awesome.
3. Maggie Mae’s Poetry Hour That’s not the actual name of her blog, but she does write poetry and it is good stuff.
4. I’m counting Jace’s blog because I’m still new at this blogging thing and I don’t know many people. Plus I like the way he writes. Scroll back up, find him and follow him.
5. Line of the Week For when you need a goddamn good quote to make your feelings work.
6. Guapola This cat follows me on Twitter, so I know they’ve got good taste.
7. Daily (W)rite
8. Floppydogs The first time I ever met Rene, she got me really drunk and let me tell her she’s pretty.
9. Jodie Llewellyn
10. Gotta Find a Home
11.Be Like Water Production
Full disclosure: I didn’t check to see if these folks have under 200 followers. My blog is a week old and I have 21 followers. I just want to do some shoutouts, get people some attention and tell you about myself and this seemed like a fun way to do that.
Now. Jace had 11 questions for the people he nominated. Buckle your seatbelt and pucker your…uh, lips.
1. What turns you on sexually?
Well, goddamn, Jace. Here I was expecting to have six months, maybe a year of blogging under my belt before really getting into my dick’s hobbies and interests, but you’ve ruined that for me. The suspense is dead.
I like being kissed on the neck. Gently grabbing my penis would probably work, too, and maybe the Inception soundtrack.
2. Are you in a relationship or too awesome for anyone to handle?
I promise that’s probably the last time I put an emoticon in a blog post. I am single, and I’ve been single for coming up on four years. I date here and there but I’ve moved around the country a lot, I’m trying to focus more on a writing career and the last time I fell in love, she left me for a coke dealer when my grandfather died. So. Whether or not “emotionally impotent” falls into your definition of awesome.
3. Dark, White or Milk chocolate? (and why)
Milk. Dark is too bitter and white is too pretentious.
4. What unusual skills or hidden talents do you have?
I’m exceptionally good at making mistakes.
I also played the flute for three years and was best in my age group in the state. That was 13 years ago, though. When I was in the hospital last year, a friend gave me her flute but I’ve yet to re-teach myself how to play. Flutes: not bikes.
5. Tell me your best pun joke.
This isn’t a question, but I’ll bite. My favorite pun joke is, “It’s not that he couldn’t juggle. He just didn’t have the balls.”
6. Coffee or tea?
7. Are you sadistic or masochistic?
Masochistic, I guess. In that I tend to mentally punish myself on a regular basis.
8. How many followers do you have at the time you publish your own Liebester post?
Twenty-one beautiful souls.
9. At your funeral, what kind of person would you want people say you were?
I want to be the very best, like no one ever was.
10. 10. Have you told your parents you love them?
Reluctantly but honestly.
11. What is the most embarrassing dream you’ve had or event that happened to you?
You want to get real? Let’s get real. Let’s go with event. One time, in my late teens, I was on my desktop computer with dial-up connection. It was practically the stone age. I had my boring and stationary softcore pornography pulled up. I had my trousers pulled down. I had my dick pulled out and back and out and back and you get the idea.
There came a rapping at my chamber door. My grandmother asked if she could come in. I said, “No, hold on a minute” because that’s literally the only appropriate response. She replied, “What?!” and instead of waiting for a clearer, more definitive statement, OPENED THE DOOR TO HEAR ME BETTER.
I actually died eight years ago. This is my shamed phantom blogging.
AND NOW HERE ARE 11 QUESTIONS FOR YOU: You can answer in your blog or your comments. However you want!
1. What was it like the first time you fell in love?
2. What’s your most terrifying encounter with the law?
3. What is your favorite song and why?
4. What is your spirit animal? Inanimate objects will count for the sake of hilarity.
5. What is your favorite television show?
6. What’s the one thing you most wished to say to someone?
7. Which relative do you like the least?
8. What’s your most awkward holiday story? Valentine’s Day is a sham and doesn’t count unless it’s something truly awful.
9. Who was your first celebrity crush?
10. What exceptional room does your dream home have to have? (Ie. A library, pool room, rec room)
11. What is your greatest regret?
You guys are great. My birthday turned out incredible. See you tomorrow!